by Valerie Igl, MFT
1) When you're going through some changes. Going through a transition is stressful, even when the change is positive. Getting a promotion, moving to a better neighborhood, or adopting a child may all be changes you want, but they are all just as likely to create stress for you as the death of a family member, ending a relationship, or losing a job. Studies show that all major changes increase your odds of becoming ill or injured. Transitions like these are an important time to keep the rest of your life as stable as possible, and build in extra support for yourself. Therapy can be a significant part of that support, and can help you improve the ways you take care of yourself, thus reducing your stress level.
2) When you keep doing the same thing over again, expecting different results. If you touch a hot stove, the experience will probably keep you from doing it again. Emotional self-care, however, is more complex. People commonly take a coping strategy that they learned as a child in a dysfunctional family, and keep using that approach in their adult lives. The problem is that the situation has changed, but the behavior has not, so the outcome may not be what you really want. For example, being abused or emotionally neglected as a child may have taught you not to trust people. As an adult, however, this can interfere with developing intimate relationships. Therapy can help you learn new and more effective ways of handling the challenges in your life.
3) When your friends don't want to hear about it anymore. Many people depend on the support of their family or friends for getting through hard times. But not everyone is close to their family, either physically or emotionally, and friends may not have the time or skill to give the kind of support that a therapist can provide for you. When you're having difficulty solving problems in your life, you may not be comfortable sharing some of the details with people close to you. Therapy is a safe place to share your concerns, where you are assured confidentiality, and the full attention of a knowledgeable professional whose only agenda is to listen to you, and be helpful.
4) When someone close to you suggests you see a therapist. Sometimes your friends and family members may notice changes in you that you're not aware of at the time. It may be hard for you to hear, especially if they don't tell you in the most supportive way. But if you can remain open to hearing the kernel of truth in what they are saying, you may learn valuable information about yourself. For example, you may not realize that you have been more irritable or tearful, or avoiding your friends, or sleeping more than usual. These can all be signs of depression, and it's helpful to have someone to talk to about it. It may be easier for you to trust a therapist, who is trained to give you objective feedback.
5) When you forget what it feels like to feel good. Perhaps you've accomplished some of your goals in therapy in the past. But recently, you've been finding yourself slipping back into some of your old patterns, such as negative thinking, or ineffective communication. Maybe you're puzzled about how this happened. Returning to therapy can remind you what helped in the past, or give you new ideas about how to improve your life. Having someone to check in with on a regular basis provides a great source of motivation and guidance for making changes.
Some people may think it's a sign of failure to go to (or return to) a therapist, but the fact is everybody needs some assistance from time to time. Admitting you need help is actually a sign of strength.
Coming back intermittently during your life can be a good way to use therapy. People need periodic tune-ups, just like cars do. Returning to therapy can help you work at a deeper level on some familiar issues, or give you support for new concerns that have come up during your time away.
